Day 9 - On Change

Last week I wrote a post "On Fear", but as soon as I went to post it, my computer froze, and I lost the whole thing. So today, I'm replacing that post with this one.

I've just learned that today is my last day in the house I grew up in. The movers come tomorrow, and they'll be packing up our house and spending the next few days moving us into our new one. I've told myself time and again that I'm ready for this change. That it's positive and necessary and beneficial, and of course it is every one of those things. But it is also sad, and scary, and, in a way, the end of my childhood.

This year has been fraught with change. I graduated college, I opened and closed my own business, I moved out of the town I've live in for the last 5 years, I ended a serious relationship, and I've been, generally, trying to find my path. If last year was the year when all my dreams came true, this has been a year of finding new dreams, making new plans, and stepping up to the "real" world. I suppose everyone goes through a similar transition period once out of college - we're told it's time to grow up, get a job, find a mate, and settle down. But everything has been so unsettled for me this year... So, in the chaos, I've found life. A mad swirl of joy and growth and all that is new, happily holding hands with all that is old. My life has been uprooted and shaken up, because it's not time for me to settle down yet. It's time for me to explore, to see the world, and to live the life I've always dreamed I would live.

Change. Every part of this year has been dripping in it. My soul has grown restless, pulling against every line I've set about to tether me to this life. It was a painful process that I didn't quite understand before, but now it's time to find new loves to tie myself to.

The movers come tomorrow, and it's time for my dad and I to move forward into the next chapter of both our lives. The future is foggy and daunting and unsure, the present is a chaotic and restless tumult, but I've learned that life is like a mountain. The journey to the summit is filled in equal measure with beauty and struggle. But even if your legs grow weary and your heart grows heavy with inadequacy, if you keep putting one foot in front of the other - if you can just take one more step - eventually, before you know it, you've reached the peak, and you can look back on your ascent with pride before it's time to find another mountain to climb. And there will always be another mountain to climb.

#change #connection #growth #lifelessons #meditations