Mark Manson has some great insights on love, and while I've immensley enjoyed everything I've read of his, the more thinking I do on the topics he addresses, the more bothered I am by his narrow presentation of love - at least in the above-linked article.
You see, I have a very different understanding of the significance of love.
While Manson does not discredit love, by any means, he does seem stuck on the notion that the term love means romantic love. Manson makes the argument that "love is not enough," and this statement is intended for a very specific type of love - romantic love. And he's right. Romantic love is not enough to make a relationship work. Sacrifice in the name of love is not always noble, or even healthy. Love will not align your values or enable two very different people to appreciate each other's individuality. Love, when it comes to relationships, is certainly not enough to ensure sustainable happiness. And, I believe, this is the point Manson is trying to make.
My issue with his argument is one of semantics, more or less... or, I suppose, one of clarity. Love is a complex emotion that we, as a culture, seem to over-simplify. Love is also a simple emotion that we, as a culture, seem to over-complicate. Confused? Good. Love is, itself, very confusing, is often seemingly paradoxical, and is much too often misunderstood... as, I believe, it could very easily be in Manson's article.
I have said, time and again, that love comes in all different kinds of packaging - sometimes it is a neatly wrapped gift - complete with a pretty little bow - sometimes it comes wrapped in newspaper, and sometimes, it doesn't come wrapped in anything: it just is, plain and raw. Love has its ugly side. It makes us do crazy things. Love can cause us great pain with its passing, and you may take that as you will. Love, like its human proprietors, is imperfect in its nature, and this is okay.
Despite my agreement with Manson that love, in the romantic sense, is not enough to sustain a relationship, this is where we differ... I do believe that love is enough, and here's why.
Love is much more than the bond of attraction felt between two individuals. Love exists in a myriad of ways. There is love in the simple gesture of kissing your mother or child goodnight. Love exists when you adopt an animal from a shelter. Love exists when you buy a homeless person a sandwich. There is love in the efforts of volunteers who risk their own lives to rescue disaster victims. There is love in every smile you give to a stranger. There is love in prayer and meditation. There is love in spending time in nature. There is love in recycling. We choose love for ourselves every time we go to the gym, or go on a run, or go to yoga, or write a poem. There is love in every moment of growth and every situation in which you choose compassion over anger, understanding over fear. There is love at the core of every religion. Love, I would argue, is what motivates us to do the things we do... We spend our lives searching for love. Love is at the heart of every human action. Puns.
Of course, I'm not saying that humans are incorruptable. I'm not saying that love is perfect, I've already made that clear. But it does seem clear to me that, yes, love is enough. Love is enough to grant an individual strength in the most dire of circumstances. Love is enough to reinvigorate a defeated soul. Love is enough to grant purpose to an existentially meaningless existence. Love even sustains monks in Asia who live off of the offerings of the common man.
There are people who have dedicated their entire lives to love. There are people who have given their lives for love. And there are people who have destroyed their own lives, because they refused to love.
To love is the highest human calling. To shy away from love is to make yourself less than everything you naturally are. To shy away from love is to willfully fail. Love alone cannot fix the world's problems. Love alone cannot make you the person that you want to be. But love gives us the tools to build a better future. Love is the catalyst that enables us to grow and to find peace.
So, no - love is not enough to sustain a relationship. But that hardly means that love is not enough. Because when we make a practice of always choosing love, no matter the circumstances, we make a habbit of always finding a way to be happy again, and that... that is enough.