Day 34 - On Personal Responsibility, Misogyny and Feminism
- nataliedoesyoga
- Dec 9, 2014
- 4 min read
"There's a difference between being a strong woman and being a bitch. Being a strong woman doesn't mean having a piss poor attitude or being shady. All I can say is, Y'all have fun when you're 40, have a kid and are single, guys don't age as bad we'll date 25 yr Olds cause clearly being a good person doesn't matter so may as well find something good to look at."
Last night I involved myself in an online debate regarding an article circulating around Facebook. The article blamed women for the dating problems men face. The article was titled: "The Sexodus, Part 1: The Men Giving Up on Women and Checking Out of Society".
By the time I saw the post, there was already an ongoing conversation between the original poster and one of his friends discussing how most women, "have a chip on their shoulder," because they, "act way too cool [for men] to talk to them," and "lie straight to [men's faces]" by "[saying] they have a boyfriend," etc. when they're not interested in having a conversation. Now, the original poster seemed to be more focused on the general collapse of communication in our generation, but his friend kept making misogynistic remarks about, "hot girl self entitlement," how most women are doomed to end up single and lonely because of their attitudes, "by the time looks fade in [their] late 20's," and how women only behave this way because, "men let them."
I initially only responded to the original article without reading any of the prior conversation by noting that, "blaming feminism for a man's inability to speak to a women kindly, sincerely, and as an equal is ludicrous." I stated my opinion that there are certainly women out there who don't understand what feminism is, and I've seen some women choose to hide behind the term "Feminism," believing that it grants validity to their viewpoints. I also noted that the article in question doesn't understand what feminism, at its core, is all about, and its accusations are, therefore, unfair and biased.
Though I spoke directly to the original poster, his friend kept addressing my arguments with his own, "sob stories of being hurt or taken advantage of." Now here is where I find a problem. Men cannot rightfully blame women for the trouble they experience in their dating lives. Men cannot generalize women as "bitches" simply because they've encountered a few women who didn't show them respect. Doing so is just as unfair as women calling all men assholes, just because they've encountered more than their fair share of unchivalrous men.
I am one person on a planet of 7 billion people. And I have to say, the majority of the people in my life - men and women - are good, honest individuals who care deeply for those around them and respect others as best they can. I want everyone to be a better person. I want to be a better person. I want my friends, male and female, to show the respect to others that they want for themselves. I want to do the same. It matters how we say the things we do, and in a world where so many people have access to our conversations, there will always be someone who disagrees with what we have to say. What's important is acknowledging the other's viewpoint and learning from it. Yes, there are people in the world - some of whom are women - who take advantage of others, who manipulate others, who hurt others. Do I believe these people are the majority? No. No, I don't. I don't believe that the majority of women are what the above-mentioned person said they are. I found this "article" disturbing, because it came dangerously close to blaming feminism for the strife and conflict that still exists between the sexes. What's more, it sought to blame the personal troubles of the individual man on a political ideology. This is not okay. If we want to make progress, we must work together, not against each other. We must respect one another as best we can - we must be kind to a world that has failed to show us kindness.
Blaming a group of people, generalizing a group of people, accusing a group of people of all possessing the negative characteristics demonstrated by a few is wrong. Lashing out in anger at an entire group of people for this reason is wrong. We cannot make progress by sitting around and nitpicking every regrettable action taken by the opposing party. What's more, we cannot allow ourselves to fall into the victim mentality by constanly shifting all blame off of ourselves and onto others.
So, please, if you find yourselves struggling in the dating world, take a step back and reevaluate yourself. We receive back from the world what we put into it. We accept the love we think we deserve... we accept the pain we think we deserve.
Stop blaming an entire group of people for your dozen or so negative experiences. And, please, heed these words:
It is not my place to find the darkness in others.
It is my responsibility to seek their inner light.
It is not my place to point out others' flaws.
It is my responsibility to magnify their inner beauty.
It is easy to assume there is an 'other'.
It is my duty to seek the truth:
there is no 'other', there is only a reflection of myself.
It is not my place to judge. Only to love.
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