Moves and Countermoves

I have tried and failed multiple times over the last few months to write a new blog post. The writers block is real, and it's a struggle. So this morning, I'm just going for it.

Today is brough to you by a short list of things I have learned (so far) this year.

1. Sometimes leaving is the kindest thing someone can do for you. (And sometimes leaving is the kindest thing you can do for someone else.)

I know this sounds pretty miserable, but loss is always an opportunity for growth. Think of the apple tree, whose seeds are only spread when she drops her fruit. Sometimes, people have to leave our lives in order for us to learn that, yes, we can go on without them. This isn't always as simple as a breakup, or the conclusion of a friendship... death corporially seperates us from the people we love. But no matter what your loss looks like, we have the option to keep the good memories alive inside of us. We have the option to surrender, to feel the loss, and, eventually, to let go. We get to choose how we move forward. This year, moving forward meant going overseas. So I say thank you, for the losses that motivated me to move my feet. I would not have made the choices I did without the presence of every experience leading up to my departure. Without loss, I would not have had the opportunity to wittness, over and over, my own emotional fortitude and strength. I would not have learned, over and over, that, yes, life will always go on. I would not have grown in the ways I have grown. I am grateful.

2. If you always say "no" because you think you're not good enough, you will never get good enough.

I nearly turned down the opportunity to open a show for my favorite poet this year, because I didn't think I was a good enough poet to open for her - I believed there were other, more deserving poets who should be given the honor. But then I realized, after I'd initially declined the offer, that I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't do it. So I picked a poem I thought would go over well with her audience, I worked my ass off editing and memorizing it, and I got up on stage and nailed my piece. Good enough is relative, and it depends solely on the amount of work you're willing to put forth. So if you're ever in a position where you want to say no, because you're worried about not being "good enough", say YES anyway, and do the extra leg work. How else are you supposed to become "good enough"?

3. Every rejection is an opportunity to reinvent yourself.

I applied to the Peace Corps last month, and I was almost immediately rejected from the position I applied for due to "lack of preferred experience". It was a blow. So I got to thinking about a program my uncle told me to apply to several years ago - the Diplomatic Corps. Well, after looking into the Foreign Service (or Diplomatic Corps), I came to realize the magnitude of the Corps... and I started studying for the Foreign Service Officer Test. I don't know if I'll pass, but I'm going to study my ass off, and I'm going to try. Before my travels through Europe, I'd felt very directionless. I didn't know what I wanted to do or where I wanted to end up. Coming home from Europe, I felt full of purpose - sure that the Peace Corps was my next move. Getting rejected from the Peace Corps was terribly confusing. It felt like taking a turn in a labryinth that I was sure was a way out, only to find a dead end around the corner. The Diplomatic Corps has given me the opportunity to create a plan... and find a path. If I fail the FSOT the first time, I'll go to grad school, then retake the test. I guess life really is a game of chess: moves and countermoves. The game depends on how you choose to play it.