Day 26 - Mama

My last day of high school started off like any other day. I woke up, went to school, signed some yearbooks, and decided to stop off at home before going out to meet my friends. I'd been home for all of 30 seconds - I had just thrown my backpack down on the couch - when my phone rang.

That day changed the course of my family's lives forever.

My mom was on the other end of the line telling me she had a brain tumor. I hadn't even known she was going to the doctor that day. She had a glioblastoma. A malignant brain tumor located in the center of her brain. It was inoperable and had multiple lesions. She fought the tumor for about 14 months, until it was completely gone. Two months later, it came back in her brain stem. She died 3 months later or 19 months after her battle began.

At her memorial, I delivered the following speech. I was 19 years old, a sophomore in college. My younger brother was 16 years old... A sophomore in high school. Some 300 people showed up to honor our mother, who was truly the most incredible woman I have ever known. Today, I would like to honor the 4th anniversary of her passing by sharing the speech I gave at her memorial. And I would like to ask a favor of you: Please, take the time today to reach out to those you love, and tell them you love them. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I had the opportunity to tell my mom how much she meant to me just one more time.

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Dear Mama,

I loved you with every bone in my body—with every fiber of my being. Words can never express the joy that you gave me, or the love that you showed me, and, indeed, I find my tongue tragically still when I try to vocally express the light that was your existence. You taught me how to live with vigor, passion, and compassion. You told me from my childhood always to "kill others with kindness." You were never rude, never self-interested, and never bitter. You always accepted everyone with open arms, and never once, in my memory, did I hear you complain. I wish so much that I could be just like you, mom. I will always do my best to make you proud. I didn't tell you nearly enough in life how much I love and appreciate you, but I guess no matter how many times I said it, it would never be enough. You were truly the most magnificent woman I've ever known, and I don't just say that because you are my mother. I say it because I've never known someone to live so fiercely. You loved life more than anyone I've ever encountered, and you fought for it until the very end. You told me everyday that you were going to get better. I told you everyday that you would. I'm sorry, mama, that I couldn't keep that promise. I wish to God that this had never happened to you. I've asked myself far too often why it did... I think I know the answer now, mom: it was because you could take it, endure it with a smile. You were so strong mom, even in your weakness. You showed us how to live and appreciate every moment of life, as you did, even after the tumor had taken so much from you. You showed me how to live, mom, and you showed me how to die—with dignity, with grace, and with "nothing but a rage to live" (Alexander Pope). Dylan Thomas once said, "Do not go gentle into that good night... rage, rage against the dying of the light." I remember when we got the news that the tumor had moved to your brainstem, you turned to me and said, “I won’t give up until it’s over.” And you never did. You raged harder against the dying of the light than I would have ever thought possible, and I have never been so proud in my whole life. Your death has been a tragedy for me, for our family, for our friends... for all those who knew you. But I think the tragedy is greatest of all for those who never had to chance to know you. They will never understand how incredible you were and always will be. I love you, mama. I can never say it enough.

And now a reading from Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians:

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection, as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." -1 Corinthians, 13 NIV

And “a woman who cannot discern when she is loved has never lived.”

#life #death #love #light